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Treasure Hunt Part 1

Amidst the woods in the dark
With a flashlight we walked,
We hit it out the ballpark
after everything that we chalked
Ah, and there it was!

After an hour, however

With flashy hats on our tops
Everywhere we went, called the shots
Made an irate sound, with our flip flops
As our brains were developing clots!

After half an hour, however, we were

Clueless as to what they meant
oh, we were so spent!
tired as we were already,
The trail of thoughts-it wasn’t steady.

Called it off, and made it pause
you know, just because!
Never got to the end of it
ended it, lickety split.

 

 

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Collected thoughts, scrambled.

I smell coffee.

I have relentlessly pushed myself through the week, as have you. I ate bananas on my way here and as I was walking I felt held. Held back and held in arms snuggly. Arms of the Mother Earth and the cosmos.  I know, I am confused too. Maybe I felt like writing just because I am in a cafe, or maybe it is the fact that I am far from the madding crowd and my thoughts are far more collected and pristine. When you’re truly by yourself, you think for yourself, and you will realise your head is a very comfortable place to live in, despite the issues you have which make you want to snap out of it. You do not have to agree with me. This wholesome guy sitting diagonally to me is laughing hysterically and he is by himself. Every time something funny happens on his laptop, he would bang his hands on his thighs and laugh whole-heartedly. Do we laugh when we are by ourselves? Guess we left it in our childhood, anyhoo.

There are people everywhere, fighting their battles daily, sometimes with nothing but the sheer will to get up and dust themselves off. Relax, I am not asking you to not judge them. But do all those people who are fighting tooth and nail for what they want in life realise that they are held? There’s a place for them in this universe. We are here because we belong here. Sure, we say that a lot, as can be seen from countless Instagram captions. We get chills too, but do we really realise what it all means? We can never. That is the anomaly. We feel peaceful sometimes because some knot has been untangled, and we breathe out. But there’s so many more! I have 99 problems (and a bitch is one too) in my life right now, but at this moment, I am at peace. Do I really realise that? And if I do, what is it about the peace that bothers me? What is this paradoxical feeling that I am harbouring in the back of my head? What does it mean to realise something? Have I imbibed the feeling of cosmos? I am cosmos. Aham Bhramasmi, they say but what does it all mean?

I have never been this confused in my life. Maybe while listening to Radiohead, sometimes. Who the fuck is the Karma Police?

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Purge

When you feel pain, and everybody around you starts talking about their pain, do you ever feel like sharing? You’re one amongst many, there are 7.5 billion people. But you’re one in 7.5 billion. Does it amount to nothing at all? You’re special, just like everybody else. But, to who? You’re just a minor note in the mundane cacophony of white noise. A short kink in an upward going graph. Who cares about you? Do you?

You make people up in your head as you go, your head is in the cloud and feet are just shuffling on the wet mossy semi-road. Do you feel that void as your head takes off? A void in the stomach? The same kind you feel when your rollercoaster sets off, except, you don’t know if you’ve put the strap on. Do you feel that?

This just in, I closed my eyes and the ground beneath me vanished for two seconds.

All these things that sound imaginative, poetic and stuff of love songs, actually do happen, and it is scary. Having the ground abandon you is not a good feeling, even if it is for a split second.

Back to what I was saying:

Do you get tired of people saying generic things like, “You should talk more often!” “Go get some fresh air!” “I am here, aren’t I?” “What do you not have going for you, look at the bright side!” Flip them off. Or maybe not, what if they actually do care? But how can you tell?

When you’re behaving like an angry beast every time you’re alone, screaming and shouting, do you look the beast in the eye? Do you see that it is scared? Are all beasts scared, deep down inside? Are they scared of their own thoughts? Does the beast ever look in the mirror? What do they see? Do their eyes get bloodshot from all the tears?

You are dust, blowin’ in the wind with all the other answers, my friend. You are told that you are the stuff stars are made of. So is our motherf$#!*ing planet and you don’t give two s#!ts about it, do you? Your tears are rolled and you scream into the big pile of clothes that rests in your cupboard, you my friend, are a coward. When someone says “Hey, your skin looks really nice these days, what’s your secret?” You almost say, “Thanks, it is all the crying.” You think that is funny. What is so funny?

What is so funny about you sitting on a high horse? What is so funny about being forlorn all the time? What is so funny about having hatred towards living in your own goddamn skin? What is so funny about being able to hide your emotions that goddamn well from the general public? Everybody does that. You are just tearing your relationship apart and victimizing yourself.

So you see, you aren’t that special. You’re not special to you. You are just a fake. More plastic than what the runway models are condemned for, but double the size. You are what everything you don’t believe in, and thus a hypocrite of your own making. 14 billion years have passed without the universe caring, yet you’re the center. You, the browser of internet. You, the crier of sorrows and you, the living embodiment of shame. Of course, you are the center of this vast universe.

Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?

I am ashamed of myself.

 

i hope nobody i know is reading this. 
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Burn

It has been months. You are stuck in a whirlwind. Every gust of wind is exasperating on your skin, your seemingly thick, crumbly skin and you turn around, shifting gazes rapidly, to absorb all the pewter – to be one with the grey and blue enveloping you. There is chaos when you close your eyes and your own heartbeat is the beat of a drum- the beat of the drum which beckons the marching bands of all the thoughts you have ever had.

You’re out of the whirlwind now, but it found a home in your head. There’s a mini-version of you going through the exact same thing as you, the giant did. Sometimes, it is every time you blink.

 

 

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Walking on the street

I’m going back home, to the feeling of warmth when you put your hands between your thighs.

You put on Arctic Monkeys, but it just doesn’t cut it. You want more. Chasing a dragon fly, shades, that one dance move. Who you gonna remember first?

The random shopkeeper bobbing his head to a local radio song back in ’13? Or the girl in your first grade you shared your birthday with?

You look around, see that boy in red propping his hair up because he identified the distant girl in blue to be his crush. Oh, the next one just dropped their wallet. You’re stuck in a dynamic. Fixated to a finite irreversible past.

The whiff of the cologne you caught isn’t yours from 9th grade, they don’t make those anymore.

“It’s too cold out here innit?”, you say, clearly absent from the reality.

you kidding brah, fookin’ 30 degs out there, whatchu talking about! 

Time to hatch an escape plan.

Yes. I am going back home, to the feeling of forever, the kind when you ask your bench-mate if you can keep her pencil and she says, yes. You ask, “Forever?”, “Forever.” she says, with a smile.

Posted in Poems

Mother Dear

How must the times change

One moment, I’m in your womb,

Next, in a college a thousand miles away. 

Watered Me and I went abloom

Like a flower in the summer spray. 

How must I go on without you, 

How must I, I wonder

I wish when you sculpted me

You’d slipped a note deep under. 

I’d look within and find it in me, 

The strength to walk with emptiness. 

Oh mother I wished you saw

Beneath the scowl the sombre.

Mother dear now tell me how

How must times change.

Tell me you’ll be right here

Right here when you are summoned. 

Right now on my bed I lie

Talking to you in my head

I built my life around you mother 

Please don’t go walking by. 

Posted in Poems

Oblivion 

Her face resembled the skies today 

A Spider web of  Lightning bolts.

I felt a little arrogant after

Drawing a parallel between Thunder storm and Human faces

She might just have been the summer rain

Self aware As she wasnt , it was all just in vain. 

Pale blue morning after, her mind resembled the hue

But she hopped about and waddled along 

Knowing not the sadness in and around.

I just watched from a distance 

Knowing full well that she’d fall. 

Posted in Poems

Happy Birthday Dad

Fleeting memory wrapped in a round bubble

You’d kiss me on the cheek,my chin and your stubble

Dance about the hall When I’d cry

Pretend as if you could fly, just to make me smile, why? 

So that I could grow up to never reciprocate? 

So that I could be the ghost you couldn’t see? 

The prodigal daughter has returned.

Today Dad, I miss you and I miss you bad. 

You are far away, and I regret all the things I never said. 

I regret all the photos with you I don’t have. 

Today Dad, you’re going to be doing your job. 

You will wake up and polish Hem’s shoes, like you did mine 

You will get ready and go to work and worry about that which is to come.

While all I’ll ever do, is write a lousy poetic letter which you will never know about. 

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December to remember 

December was for little things to take the centre stage. 

Little things like taking a dump in your own bathroom. The feeling is underrated,honestly. You don’t have to worry about dropping a hot one and having the next one know, it does not stink of a stranger’s last night dinner and nobody is gonna look at you if you come out with today’s newspaper. #swachchintestine

Having your beloved phone cracked and smashed is the worst feeling after getting another one of a brand that rhymes with “sad lung” in its place. You forget sometimes just how much you love something. News flash : my hippo phone got fixed and things are happy around me.  I no longer have to carry chargers everywhere I go.  My thumbs are cheering, since angry or excited texting is easier now. Three fingers downward , all that is needed for taking a screen shot, sharing memes got a whole lot easier. Why wasn’t I appreciating this phone enough? #hippocameraphone #cameraismyleastfavoritethingofthisphone

Have you ever had someone hugging you before they break into tears? Cherish it. Sometimes little brothers who are glued to the phone screen get emotional when their mothers start talking about death,all quite oblivious of their son listening.. Sisters are the best people to cry in the arms of, and they will always be there for their little brothers.

You’re one lucky person if you have someone outside your blood relation, loving you. This means that somebody cares enough to listen to your ramble and rant not because they have to,  but because they want to. Congratulations,  you’re not as big as asshole as you thought you were. 

To be honest, nobody is obligated to love you,  so even if you have just one human being out of 7.5 billion who cares deeply about you, you have the world.

 Go on

Spread the love

Sit back and relax, 2018 is going to be as good as you make of it. The sky isn’t the limit,  you are.

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A Big F***** What? Revolution!

So, you probably heard. Elon Musk, our favorite CEO in the whole wide world has got  back in the game, this time with a bang, rocketified into a BFR! This Big F****** Rocket is supposed to revolutionize air travel, for real, for all of us. Of course, the big plan is to send it to mars, build a city and live a
“happily ever after” life, but just in case you want an extended forever back on earth, worry no mo, when big falcon rocket (Yes, that’s probably what it’s called)is here, What did I just say? Read on! Continue reading “A Big F***** What? Revolution!”

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How did I get here? 

How does anyone get anywhere at all? One minute you’re lying on the couch after a tiresome day at work and the other you’re witnessing the end of the world from far away, watching the sun In its final stage. 5.5/Apple/26 becomes a date, and you wonder just what is wrong with the world. Maybe it strikes you a minute later, maybe it happens when you’re on the brink of death, that it’s not the world, but you who hasn’t changed. 

But you have nothing to fear, you see, you just feel that you haven’t changed, resistance to change is your defense mechanism…But equilibrium is a clever little thing. It’s only when you’ve come very far, that you realise how much have you really transformed. Drop in a couple of existential crises here and there, but when you take a step back, you realise that you went from “oh I’m alone, let me masturbate” to “Fucking hell, I’m alone, let me finally do the laundry I have been putting off”. Some people call it adulting, but is it really that? Being aware of your responsibilities, is adulting?(note that adulting may or may not be a word). I’d leave that question to you. 

So, should you, or should you not change? I’ll say, sit back and relax, it’s not under your control anyway. People may preach “Be the change you want to see around you” (guilty 😅) Oh honey, you’re doing a good job anyway. You may feel that you’re spiralling down the way you are, because you are the way you are. Can’t you just enjoy the ride? 

Science says future is decided. Look it up, There’ll be an article on that soon too. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you shouldn’t do anything to uplift yourself or the people around you. I’m saying, that, is all you really can do. You can’t stop black holes from forming, you can’t stop a supernovae, you obviously can’t travel to the end of the universe,cause there is none! But find peace in the fact, that the only real change that really counts, is something that you are doing without even thinking about it. I’m talking about entropy. With every breath you take, every *thought* you *think* of, you’re increasing the entropy of this universe. 

So how did I get here? Well it’s a question that doesn’t really need an answer. The only fact that matters, is that I did. When I say,  “I” ,I also mean you. We’re all state functions.  We may all be all dumplings in this primordial soup, but your parents had sex. Yeah that, they definitely did.